This past Monday, August 17th was my late mother’s birthday. She would have been 62 years old. We lost her back in 2009 and I know I should be somewhat “over” her death by now, but do you really ever get over the loss of a loved one? I have tried to play tough cookie by telling myself that she didn’t love me as much as she did my middle sister. (I really do think my middle sister was her fave, although she would never admit to it, LOL). But regardless of all the things that I do to myself to try and “toughen my heart,” none of them really work. There are still days now where I just want to scream and cry at the same time whenever I think about how much I miss her. And it breaks my heart when I think about my Mom’s last few years alive here on earth. She was miserable and wanted to leave my step Dad. But she had no money and did not want my baby sister Katie to have to move when she only had two more years of high school left to go through. So we had a secret plan we were working on. She was putting away a little money here and there, and once Katie graduated and started college, she was going to move to Florida and live with me and my husband for awhile until she could find a nice 55 plus community to rent a home in. I was so excited about helping her get out of this miserable relationship and the only person that I told about our plan was my husband. And that was obviously because I wanted to make sure that it was okay with him if I let her come stay with us for awhile. We went ahead and moved on down to Florida and weren’t even finished unpacking yet when she got very, very sick. And about three months later I flew home on a red eye flight to try and see her but I was too late. She never woke up from a simple biopsy that was done on her lungs. There are so many things about the whole situation that I just wish I could go back and fix, change, or even just put a stop to. But unfortunately we can’t go back in time. I know that my Mom knows how much I love her, and I know that she is in a better place now of course. But I still can’t help but miss her presence and body here on earth and in my life. Since Monday was her birthday, I struggled all day to keep my emotions at bay as usual. I hate crying in front of Allen about my Mom because it tears him up to see me cry. So I decided to take Dax for a walk at sunset and walk down to the end of our street to chat with Mom while I watched the sunset. I sat on the dock and told her about everything that has been going on in my life lately, wished her a happy birthday and told her not to pressure Jesus to do any tequila shots with her, just because it was her birthday. Tequila was my moms fave thing to drink, and she loved that old country song “Straight Tequila Night” by John Anderson. I shed a few tears but I held it together pretty well I think. And I don’t know if it was a gift from Mom or God himself, but the sky started changing literally before my eyes. It was just a normal gray/blue when I left out for the short walk to the dock. But as I poured my heart out to my Mom, it turned into one of the most breath taking, beautiful sunset skies that I have ever seen. If you follow me on Snapchat, I think I posted like 5 pictures of it and then I also posted one or two on Instagram. I don’t know if you guys believe in anything like that, but I really felt my mom all around me that night and I think that sky was to take my mind off of the deep sadness that I had surrounded myself in all day. I snapped several pictures with my iPhone and I want to share them with you now…..
These are the actual IPhone photos with no filters or photoshopping done, and they were taken just a few seconds apart….
Is that not one of the most AMAZING skies you have ever seen? Now I don’t know if God or my Mom painted the sky like that, at just the right time, at just the right moment, but it sure felt like it was done especially for me. And it was a moment in my life that I will never forget.
Happy Birthday Momma! You are still very much loved and missed here on earth by all 4 of your girls. Until we meet in heaven…. (Then we can ask Jesus to do some tequila shots with us both)!
Stay Beautiful & Blessed!